Never pass up a chance to sit down or relieve yourself. -old Apache saying

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Fuck Detroit

Yamaha Moegi

Woah, what a cool ... bike!

Yamaha Y125 Moegi Concept Courtesy Yamaha
Since the days of $4 gas began, the single-cylinder motorcycles and scooters that dominate international megacities have become increasingly common on American streets. Engineers at Yamaha created the Y125 Moegi concept to capitalize on that trend. They based it on the company’s first motorcycle, the 1955 125-cc YA-1, but they also included some modern touches, in particular an ultralight frame and a new cylinder design that could help make the Moegi one of the lightest and most fuel-efficient motorcycles ever.
The Y125 Moegi, which is 90 percent aluminum, weighs just 176 pounds (50 pounds less than an entry-level Vespa). Engineers molded the aluminum frame using Yamaha’s proprietary “controlled-filling” die-casting process. Controlled filling reduces air bubbles in the finished parts by 20 percent, making it possible to build strong, thin components that are 30 percent lighter.
Like the original YA-1, the Moegi runs on an air-cooled, 125-cc engine, which connects to the bike’s 20-inch rear wheel with a simple belt drive. But engineers replaced the YA-1’s lawnmower-like two-stroke with a low-friction four-stroke. They also incorporated another Yamaha invention: the DiASil cylinder, the world’s first mass-produced all-aluminum, die-cast motorcycle cylinder. The DiASil’s abrasion-resistant aluminum alloy dissipates heat at three times the rate of steel. When the engine isn’t being adequately cooled by the wind (for example, when riding uphill or stuck in traffic), there’s less power loss resulting from increased engine heat.
Yamaha hasn’t announced a horse-power rating for the Moegi engine, but 10 to 15 horsepower would be enough to propel a bike this light to 50 mph. Yamaha engineers have said, however, that the Moegi could achieve 188 mpg, which would make it nearly four times as efficient as a typical motorcycle.
Mileage: Up to 188 mpg
Weight: 176 pounds

Holier than thou

Monday, February 27, 2012

Charts for right-wingers

Problem: Your right-wing brother-in-law is plugged into the FOX-Limbaugh lie machine, and keeps sending you emails about "Obama spending" and "Obama deficits" and how the "Stimulus" just made things worse. Solution: Here are three "reality-based" charts to send to him. These charts show what actually happened.


Government spending increased dramatically under Bush. It has not increased much under Obama. Note that this chart does not reflect any spending cuts resulting from deficit-cutting deals.

Deficits


Notes, this chart includes Clinton's last budget year for comparison.

The numbers in these two charts come from Budget of the United States Government: Historical Tables Fiscal Year 2012. They are just the amounts that the government spent and borrowed, period. Anyone can go look them up. People who claim that Obama "tripled the deficit" are either misled or are trying to mislead.
The Stimulus and Jobs


In this chart, the RED lines on the left side -- the ones that keep doing DOWN -- show what happened to jobs under the policies of Bush and the Republicans. We were losing lots and lots of jobs every month, and it was getting worse and worse. The BLUE lines -- the ones that just go UP -- show what happened to jobs when the stimulus was in effect. We stopped losing jobs and started gaining jobs, and it was getting better and better. The leveling off on the right side of the chart shows what happened as the stimulus started to wind down: job creation leveled off at too low a level.

It looks a lot like the stimulus reversed what was going on before the stimulus.
Conclusion: THE STIMULUS WORKED BUT WAS NOT ENOUGH!
(NOTE:  The job chart above stops at July 2011.  Positive job growth has continued EVERY MONTH since then, with over 200,000 jobs created in January, 2012.)
More False Things
These are just three of the false things that everyone "knows." Some others are (click through): Obama bailed out the banks, businesses will hire if they get tax cuts, health care reform cost $1 trillion, Social Security is a Ponzi Scheme or is "going broke", government spending "takes money out of the economy."
Why This Matters
These things really matter. We all want to fix the terrible problems the country has. But it is so important to know just what the problems are before you decide how to fix them. Otherwise the things you do to try to solve those problems might just make them worse. If you get tricked into thinking that Obama has made things worse and that we should go back to what we were doing before Obama -- tax cuts for the rich, giving giant corporations and Wall Street everything they want -- when those are the things that caused the problems in the first place, then we will be in real trouble.

Original.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Paraprosdokians





PARAPROSDOKIANS

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. (ding! ding! ding!)

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer but, and still think they are sexy..

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another Woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive.. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine..

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

There are a bunch more here.


Or check out the Alpha Dictionary.

Friday, February 24, 2012

He'd let America fail

MoveOn new ad slams a deserving Mittens Romney.

Romney attracts 1000

Hahahahaha!  Mittens Romney gives a speech in a Detroit stadium and only 1,000 show up!  Hey, but at least the trees in Michigan are "the right height."  WTF?


Romney speech falls flat in Detroit
by Cameron Joseph

Mitt Romney spoke to several empty seats Friday in Detroit, in a speech that offered Democrats more fodder for their attacks and failed to deliver the major economic address his campaign promised.
Television cameras showed rows of empty chairs as Romney rehashed many of the policies and quips he'd used in previous speeches, made a few jokes that appeared to fall flat with the audience and said that his wife, Ann, drives "a couple of Cadillacs," which will likely give Democrats more ammunition for their depiction of him as rich and out of touch.
The former Massachusetts governor also repeated a line that has been the butt of jokes by late-night comedians — that Michigan has good-sized trees.
“This feels good, being back in Michigan,” he said. “The trees are the right height. The streets are just right.”
Romney then listed the various cars he and his wife own.
“I drive a Mustang and Chevy pickup truck,” he said. “Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually. I used to have a Dodge truck, so I used to have all three [Detroit manufacturers] covered.”
Polls show Romney is back in the lead in his home state of Michigan, which is considered a must-win for him. The primary is Tuesday.
His speech was held at Detroit’s massive Ford Field, which holds tens of thousands of people, but only 1,000 or so attended. The campaign and the Detroit Economic Club, which hosted the event, sought to make the stadium look more full by putting the audience in one end zone of the football field and putting the cameras directly behind them.
But cameras showed empty chairs, and the Democratic National Committee blasted out photos that compared the crowd at Romney’s speech to the filled stadiums where then-candidate Barack Obama had campaign rallies in 2008.
Original.

Hahahahahaha!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Jessica gets $40K!

This is really, really cool.  All Americans should be proud of Jessica Ahlquist.  Even the fundies.

Jessica Ahlquist, Atheist Student In Prayer Banner Fight, Gets $40,000 Scholarship Fund


CRANSTON, R.I. -- A national association that says there's no proof for the existence of God is managing a scholarship fund set up for a teenage atheist at the center of a dispute over a prayer banner at a Rhode Island school.
The American Humanist Association says 16-year-old Jessica Ahlquist was targeted with online threats after she challenged the constitutionality of the display at Cranston High School West. It says she stood up against her critics "with class and style."
A federal judge last month ordered the banner removed. A school committee on Thursday decided not to appeal.
Blogger Hemant Mehta started a campaign at the Friendly Atheist website to raise money for Ahlquist.
The Friendly Atheist says the fund has brought in more than $40,000. The fundraiser runs through the end of February.

Gardening in February

This has been a milder than normal winter down south as well as much of the nation.  I think we might have gotten below freezing once this winter, down to a scary 29 degrees, for a few hours.  Ooooo.

So, we have continued to garden all through the winter.  We've had a steady supply of carrots, insanely delicious carrots.  Here's another batch we pulled up a couple of days ago.


(remember to click the pics)


We have four other staggered carrot plantings scattered about, so we'll have carrots for a good while longer.


We've also had a nice supply of onions.  We enjoy eating the green tops as much as a bulb below the ground.  The garlic greens are great too, and really strong.  I recently found a bunch of 1015 onions at Lowe's and planted them all over.  Don't need much space for them.


Lettuce has been another winter hit.   


In these six pots are recent plantings of three kinds of lettuce, two types of carrots, and some beets.  All are looking good.


We realized recently that we had a full 12 square feet, at least, of underutilized space in the front yard.  There's a telephone pole in that space, and the water meter access, and we've planted various flowers and shrubs there over the years, but we finally dug most all of it up, piece by piece, laid down some more compost, humus, and Micro-Life, and we will soon plant something....not sure what yet.  Something edible and tasty.  We'll probably have every available space growing something.  Need to make a border first....


Look!  On the roof!!  We have a broccoli head!!  OK, so it's small, but just you wait.


Cabbage will be following soon, I'm sure, unless the varmints get it.  We saw a possum sitting on our fence the other day, surveying our garden.  Ugly SOB.


A veritable sea of oregano.


I love our herb garden in the front yard.  We have oregano, basil, rosemary, cilantro (my all-time favorite), dill and thyme all growing together.  It is awesome having fresh herbs from the front yard for cooking and seasoning.  We also let the neighbors take whatever they like from the herb garden.  It's the neighborly thing to do.  Oh yeah, there's some swiss chard in there too.  Here's one shot of the front (jungle) herb garden.


In the same herb garden, we laid down some of our own homemade compost a few months back, and lo and behold, a ton of tomato plants started coming up.  Now, there are tomatoes growing everywhere.  Some are tiny, some are going to be large.  This is a case of benign neglect.  We just let them go.  Didn't do much of anything with them.  No tomato cages, just a little tomato food.  


February is the time to plant tomatoes here in Houston, so I recently put six seedlings in the ground and in pots.  We hope to be rolling in tomatoes soon.  




The nasturtiums are going gangbusters.  Great on salads.


Collards!!



Kale!!



And, hey, looks like we'll have some lemons this year.  The smell of these flowers is indescribably wonderful.


Happy gardening, everyone!


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Wanderers


We Were Wanderers On A Prehistoric Earth from James W Griffiths on Vimeo.

New feedreels

Steve Benen, ex-Political Animal, is now writing for Rachel Maddow on The Maddow Blog.  I've added that RSS feed onto the bottom of the blog.  Damn, those are handy, and Steve is an astute political observer.

And a couple of new Newsreels, e.g. keyword-seeking aggregators, or, Newsreels, along the left column.  I've added one for "Bradley Manning", because Bradley must not be forgotten, and one for "Atheists" because, well, just because.  Jesus would understand.

But it could all change tomorrow.  C'est le vie. 

 

Humans of New York

Someone had the great idea of taking pictures of people (humans?) in New York City and posting them on Facebook.  Simple?  Yes, yet this site - Humans of New York - is fascinating, hilarious, strange and wonderful.  I'll bet you it'll become one of your favorite Facebook pages.

Here are just a couple of samples...click 'em






The creativity and resiliency of humanity constantly amazes me.




Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Libs take heart!

Liberals take heart!  No matter how ugly the reactionary forces may get, they know they are fading, and the future is ours.  Or something like that.


Psst! There are liberals near you.

On this Valentine's Day, Living Liberally wants to make sure your bleeding-hearts feel a little left-leaning love.  

You usually hear from your local hosts, but we at Liberally Headquarters wanted to share five stories we love about liberals from the Drinking Liberally happy hours and across Living Liberally universe:

1) We love the liberals in Idaho Falls who hosted a screening of the award-winning "Inside Job" with the local Occupy organizers, leading a Republican State Representative who attended to vote AGAINST an anti-Occupy resolution.
2) We love that nearly 50 members of our Liberally network are running for office in 2012 as part of the Candidate Project! We’re excited to see who among you will soon be Leading Liberally in elected office.

3) We love that our Des Moines Drinking Liberally chapter recorded a congratulatory video to the state of Washington over Marriage Equality -- applauding Washington "for becoming as progressive as Iowa."

4) We love that Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak, a Vice Chair of the DNC, has made return visits to his local chapter, even donning a Drinking Liberally shirt.

5) And we love that Holly and Ravi, who met at a Los Angeles meeting, have tied the knot.  With marriages in Cincinnati, Nashville, Des Moines and elsewhere, our members are truly Wedding Liberally -- as well as Parenting Liberally as we raise a new generation of liberals.

How's that for a Valentine's Day update that will lift your liberal spirits?
What do you love about Living Liberally?  Tell us now!
And know that you can find local lefties at nearby Liberally chapters...or you can always start a group.  We'd love to have you.
Liberally,
Justin, Katrina, Matt, Amie, Mark, Linda, Chris, Robyn, Dan, Kathleen, Bill, Steve, John & Jeremiah
Living Liberally | 425 West 45th Street, 3FE | New York, NY 10036 | United States 

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Happy Birthday, CD

Celebrate Darwin Day Feb 12 - do a search here to see if there are any events in your area.  There is not one single event scheduled in Texas!  Eh!  I wish I'd thought of it sooner!  Next year, we'll see what we can do. 

 Charles Darwin

On this date - February 12 - in 1809, Charles Robert Darwin was born in England. He prepared for the Church at Cambridge, but his passion was natural history. During his work as a naturalist for the Beagle, he began documenting and formulating his theory of evolution. At the time he wrote the monumental On the Origin of Species (1859), he still accepted the "First Cause" argument. Gradually he threw off his religious beliefs. In his Descent of Man (1871), Darwin wrote: ". . . For my part I would as soon be descended from [a] baboon . . . as from a savage who delights to torture his enemies . . . treats his wives like slaves . . . and is haunted by the grossest superstitions."

He wrote the Rev. J. Fordyce on July 7, 1879, that "an agnostic would be the most correct description of my state of mind." Darwin penned his memoirs between the ages of 67 and 73, finishing the main text in 1876. These memoirs were published posthumously in 1887 by his family under the title Life and Letters of Charles Darwin, with his hardest-hitting views on religion excised. Only in 1958 did Darwin's granddaughter Nora Barlow publish his Autobiography with original omissions restored (see excerpt below). D. 1882.
“I can indeed hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother, and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.”
— Charles Darwin, Autobiography

Learn more about the International Darwin Day Foundation by clicking here.

Learn about other famous freethinkers

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Harry Potter!

Daniel Radcliffe!  I had no idea!  There ya go, 'Arry!  Good man!

Daniel Radcliffe - militant atheist



Daniel Radcliffe believes it is important to separate religion and education because he thinks sex lessons are important.

The 22-year-old "militant atheist" was brought up in a Christian/Jewish household and told Attitude magazine he's not religious.

"I'm an atheist, and a militant atheist when religion starts impacting on legislation.

"We need sex education in schools. Schools have to talk to kids from a young age about relationships, gay and straight. In Britain it's better - more of a conversation is being had."

Radcliffe is interested in politics, but having supported the Liberal Democrat party in the last UK election he now thinks he is more of a Labour follower because he believes they stand up for more left-wing values.

"I will probably be going to Labour. From what I've seen of Ed Miliband I really like him and he speaks for what I believe in. I think he's genuine, genuinely left wing and will act as such if he gets in."

Original.

Life Savers

Friday, February 10, 2012

Funny February

You ever wonder why you almost never find any conservative comics?  Could it be that conservatives just don't have a sense of humor?  It must be that, because, in my experience, conservatives are hilarious.

"Mitt Romney lost all three of the primaries. Today, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement." –David Letterman

"It was a big setback for the Mitt Romney campaign. Even the very poor said they felt bad for him." –David Letterman

"People on the inside tell me that the first thing Romney's going to do if he's elected president is he's going to outlaw casual Friday." –David Letterman

"Rick Santorum was the big winner. He is feeling very cocky. He already is being fitted for an inaugural sweater vest." –David Letterman

"Since yesterday's primaries, Rick Santorum's campaign has received $250,000 in donations. When Mitt Romney heard this, he said '$250,000? Oh, that's cute.'" –Conan O'Brien

"A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it's so big, it can do the work of two babies." –Conan O'Brien

"Rick Santorum scored a hat trick winning in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri. Newt Gingrich scored a hat trick eating at KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut." –Jimmy Fallon

"Rick Santorum says that he is what the Republicans really want. Mitt Romney says now that he knows what Republicans want, he can change to those positions." –Jay Leno

"Romney was at a loss to explain why he dropped the ball. In fact, his wife is now blaming it on the New England Patriot receivers." –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get." –Jay Leno

"Part of me thinks that Rick Santorum is running for president just to show his high school crush she should have gone to the prom with him." –Jimmy Kimmel

"He even called global warming a hoax, which is no surprise, coming from a guy who is clearly in the pocket of big sweater vests." –Jimmy Kimmel

"There's really no reason for anyone to drop out of the race. If you wind up in fourth place, you become a regular contributor on Fox News. You come in third, you get your own show on Fox News." –Jimmy Kimmel

“Congratulations once again to the world champion New York Giants. They played a great game. Eli Manning now has two rings. Two! But that's still one less ring than Newt Gingrich.” –Jay Leno

“In a huge victory for gay rights, a federal appeals court today ruled that California cannot ban same-sex marriage. If you want to respect the sanctity of marriage, ban Kardashian weddings, okay. Why don't you ban those? Those do more damage...” –Jay Leno

“According to a study from Match.com, Democrats have sex more often than Republicans, but Republicans have better sex. Who cares? It's always the voters who get screwed - right?” –Jay Leno

“Former presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is on the show tonight. If you know anything about this guy, he dropped out. But he's a former governor, Ambassador to China, honest, kind, ethical, a good husband, and a good father. He never stood a chance.” –Jay Leno

“I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy on a package of underwear.” –David Letterman

“Romney is so confident that he’s getting cocky. He’s already putting the dog on the roof of his car.” –David Letterman

“To undo the negative publicity Mitt Romney received from tying his dog to the top of a car on a cross-country vacation, Mitt responded by tying the car to the top of his dog.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney said he doesn't really care about poor people. Now he's backtracking, and he's saying he connects with poor people. Yeah, the same way Tom Brady connects with Wes Welke.” –David Letterman

“Newt Gingrich says that people who ride on subways here in New York are the elite. I was on the subway today and one of the elites sitting next to me was smoking crack.” –David Letterman

“Newt Gingrich didn’t bother to campaign in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota. But he’s vowed to stay in the race until the Republican convention. However, Newt doesn’t have a great track record as far as sticking to his vows go.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Because of large crowds at his campaign events, Mitt Romney will now receive protection from the Secret Service. Not to be outdone, Ron Paul will now receive protection from a mall cop on a Segway.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The Obama administration has been slammed for a health insurance rule that forces Catholic organizations to provide contraception. Even more controversial, the church would also have to provide dim lighting, wine coolers, and an R. Kelly mix tape." –Conan O'Brien

President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?” –Jay Leno

“One of the most talked about commercials was the one with Clint Eastwood, where he said, ‘It’s halftime in America, and our second half is about to begin.’ The bad news? China has the ball and we’re down $15 trillion.” –Jay Leno

“Here's a very bizarre story that was online; a woman in England was born... she's 25 now and very attractive... the women was born with two vaginas. Two vaginas! See, this is the woman who should marry Newt Gingrich! Then he could have a wife and an open marriage at the same time.” –Jay Leno

“After winning the Super Bowl, the Giants will get to meet President Obama at the White House. Meanwhile, the Patriots will get to meet Newt Gingrich at the Waffle House." –Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich has criticized ‘New York elites’ who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.” –David Letterman

“It is Mormon in America again. What a week Mitt Romney had. He won Florida. It looks like he’s on the way to the nomination. If only he could stop talking.” –Bill Maher

“Apparently being the frontrunner gave him the confidence to announce that poor people can kiss his white ass. To be fair, they did take his comment out of context. What he said was, I’m not very concerned about the poor, they have a cushy safety net. And I’m concerned about the rich because they’re rich like me. What I’m concerned about is the middle class, because they could slip down the economic ladder and become poor again and then fall into that I-don’t-give-a-s**t about you category.” –Bill Maher

“He complained of course that the liberal media made him sound like he was an out-of-touch rich dick. His point of view was. ‘You wouldn’t treat Obama this way. I’ll bet you $10,000 you wouldn’t treat Obama this way.’” –Bill Maher

“I think I can prove that Mitt Romney is the whitest man ever because he won Florida, became the undisputed front runner and then the next day, the host of Soul Train killed himself.” –Bill Maher

Newt Gingrich jumped on Romney’s gaffe. He said he does care about the poor people, he loves the very poor. In fact, under his plan, poor black people would be the first ones he’s sending up to the moon colony.” –Bill Maher

“The working girls from the Bunny Ranch Brothel are showing up at Ron Paul rallies because he’s a libertarian. What a strange world it is when a presidential candidate can accept an endorsement from a whore...but enough about Romney and Donald Trump.” –Bill Maher

“Pfizer recalled a million birth control pills. Nothing wrong with them, except they won’t stop you from getting pregnant. Or as the Palin family calls them, Skittles.” –Bill Maher

“At a rally at the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas, Donald Trump endorsed Newt Gingrich by endorsing Mitt Romney.” –Seth Meyers

“Romney won the Florida primary with 47 percent of the vote. Or as it’s known in Florida schools, a B minus.” –Seth Meyers

President Obama spoke at the national prayer breakfast. The president said that his Christian faith is the driving force behind his economic policies. So I guess instead of blaming Bush, it’s now all Jesus’ fault.” –Jay Leno

“Obama said that he says a brief prayer every morning, but then Joe Biden shows up anyway. So I don’t know if it would really work.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney is taking a lot of heat for saying he’s not concerned with the very poor. I don’t think he helped himself, either. Like today he says he does care about the homeless — especially the summer home-less.” –Jay Leno

“The House of Representatives has passed a bill that prohibits people from using welfare money in strip clubs or liquor stores. I agree with that. Strip clubs and liquor stores should be off limits for people who get government funds — you know, like congressmen.” –Jay Leno

“Sad news for Mitt Romney. He drove out of Florida with a live gator strapped to the roof of his car.” –David Letterman

Donald Trump announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, ‘There’s only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I’m not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“It was a busy day for Trump, because just this morning, his hair popped out of the ground and predicted six more weeks of winter.” –Jimmy Fallon

‎"Rocky is an obvious parallel for Newt. He's an underdog, a born scrapper, and he is fighting for the chance to be smacked around by a black guy." –Stephen Colbert

‎"I will not be satisfied until super PAC means, 'a frothy mix of lube and campaign funding that is sometimes the byproduct of politics.'" –Stephen Colbert

‎"To all the worryworts out there who said super PACs were going to lead to a cabal of billionaires secretly buying democracy: wrong! They are publicly buying democracy." –Stephen Colbert

“Mitt Romney said he is not concerned with the very poor. That statement worked out well for Marie Antoinette, didn’t it?” –Jay Leno

“The next caucus is this Saturday in Nevada. See, Nevada has something for all the candidates. It's got legalized prostitution, which is part of Ron Paul's campaign; it's got a large Mormon population, which is good for Mitt Romney; it welcomes losers, which is perfect for Rick Santorum; and it's got no-fault divorce, which is tailor-made for Newt Gingrich.” –Jay Leno

“I guess you heard Mitt Romney is now getting Secret Service protection. That's just to protect him from the poor.” –Jay Leno

“Donald Trump has now endorsed Mitt Romney. Imagine that, a billionaire reaching out to a millionaire. The two classes are coming together.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, Romney is the only guy who says, ‘You're fired!’ more than Donald Trump. Did you know that?” –Jay Leno

“This week, Mitt Romney went to a McDonald's restaurant to show that he's a normal American... just a regular guy. You can tell he hasn't spent a lot of time there. Like when he walked in, he asked to see the maitre d'.” –Jay Leno

“Romney knows how President Obama thinks. Because when he was governor of Massachusetts, he thought the exact same way.” –Jay Leno

“There are signs that Newt Gingrich’s campaign is starting to run out of money. He’s dropped Tiffany and he’s buying all of his jewelry on QVC now.” –Jay Leno

“After losing in Florida, Newt Gingrich is campaigning hard in Las Vegas. Gingrich says he loves Las Vegas because it has two of his favorite things: buffets and wedding chapels.” –Conan O'Brien

“It’s a great day for Mitt Romney. He was endorsed by Donald Trump. Unfortunately it was a split decision. The thing on Trump’s head endorsed Gingrich.” –Craig Ferguson

“It’s Groundhog Day. A groundhog knows as much about weather as Mitt Romney knows about poor people.” –Craig Ferguson

“Newt and Hillary are very similar. Both spent the ‘90s trying to figure out who Bill was sleeping with. And they have the same tailor.” –Craig Ferguson

“Mitt Romney said he’s not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.” –David Letterman

“Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide screen.” –David Letterman

“Romney was endorsed by Donald Trump. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing.” –David Letterman

“Donald Trump made a surprise endorsement of Mitt Romney for president. And Mitt climbed into Donald’s golden helicopter and they flew around the country, dropping silver dollars on the homeless and unemployed.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Mitt Romney is getting some heat today for something he said on CNN. He said he's not concerned about the very poor. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that out loud. Romney said the quote was taken out of context. And that he absolutely cares about the poor. In fact, his campaign bus runs on the tears of the poor.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“In Florida, Mitt Romney won the Republican presidential primary election. He beat Newt Gingrich handily. Political analysts believe that elderly voters in Florida rejected Newt Gingrich because of fears that he would eventually leave them for a younger state.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.” –David Letterman

"Romney won Florida. Have you taken a good look at Romney and his wife? They look like a couple in a Levitra commercial." –David Letterman

"Mitt is the guy you think you look like. Newt is the guy you actually look like.” –David Letterman

“Not a great day for Mitt Romney. He put his foot in his mouth. He said in an interview, quote, ‘I'm not concerned about the very poor.’ Is anybody even trying to win this thing?” –Craig Ferguson

“To be fair, to Mitt Romney the ‘very poor’ means anyone who doesn't use a solid gold toilet.” –Craig Ferguson

‎"Mitt didn't just beat Newt Gingrich, he stomped him by a devastating 14 percent margin. Fourteen percent! That is higher than Mitt's tax rate." –Stephen Colbert

“A woman in Illinois is auctioning off a 2005 Chrysler that once belonged to President Obama. You could tell it was Obama’s car because it gets off to a fast start and then stalls for the next three years.” –Jimmy Fallon

“A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich is not conceding Florida. He said that Florida has made it clear that this is a two-person race. Yeah, Mitt Romney and Barack Obama.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney's campaign will start getting Secret Service protection this week. That's just to protect him from Newt Gingrich.” –Jay Leno

“More problems for Newt Gingrich; he's now been told that he cannot legally use ‘Eye of the Tiger’ anymore, so he's switching back to Viagra.” –Jay Leno

“This is real; Newt Gingrich is being sued by the guy who wrote the song, ‘Eye of the Tiger.’ He's using it in his campaign. Gingrich says he wants the song because he's a big fan of Rocky. He loves Rocky. Did he see the movie? Didn't Rocky lose to the black guy? Hello. Isn't that what happened? Am I wrong?” –Jay Leno

“According to USA Today, more Chinese tourists are coming to America. They get to see things they've never seen before: the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, adults working in factories.” –Jay Leno

“The agriculture department says we now have the smallest cattle population in 60 years. That shows you how fat we're getting. We're close to putting cows on the endangered species list.” –Jay Leno

“It's being reported that California needs to raise $3 billion by March. This according to California State Treasurer Nicolas Cage.” –Conan O’Brien

“The government may be legally required to release a video of the Osama bin Laden killing. For some reason it co-stars Katherine Heigl.” –Conan O’Brien

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