Never pass up a chance to sit down or relieve yourself. -old Apache saying

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Larry Craig jokes

Larry, you brought this one on yourself. You pleaded guilty thinking it would just "go away?" You just ain't too smart, now is ya? What I want to know is, which Republican hypo-Christian pervert is going to be next?!

Late-Night Jokes about Sen. Larry Craig's Bathroom Sex Scandal

"Several prominent Republicans are calling on Sen. Larry Craig to resign. And a couple are asking for his phone number." --David Letterman

"Sen. Larry Craig, who pled guilty to soliciting sex at an airport, is now being accused of having oral sex at a train station. When asked about it, Craig said, 'What can I say? I love public transportation.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Gay groups are calling Craig a hypocrite because Craig is a staunch opponent of gay marriage. Craig denied he's a hypocrite, saying, 'Hey, I wasn't trying to marry the cop in the bathroom.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Sen. Larry Craig said today yes he is gay, but he never inhaled." --Jay Leno

"See, I don't think his family was surprised by these revelations. In fact, today his wife said she first became suspicious because every time he had to use the bathroom, he would fly to Minneapolis." --Jay Leno

"How about that poor Senator Craig from Idaho? ... So he gets arrested in a men's room there at the airport in Minneapolis. And here's the deal now. He's now in Stage One of a political sex scandal: defiance. Stage Two: stepping down to spend more time with his family. Stage Three: 'I'm gay and I'm proud!'" --David Letterman

"Don't kid yourself, this Craig is in a tough spot. When you're up for re-election, you don't want to be known as 'The Restroom Don Juan.'" --David Letterman

"The guy was arrested for lewd behavior in the men's room, and I'm thinking, 'Well, hell. I'm lucky if I can get a hand dryer to blow'" --David Letterman

"Senator Larry Craig declared he won't quit and he's not gay. And then Craig said 'I'm sorry. I meant to say I won't quit being gay.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Now there's more trouble for Senator Craig. First he's accused of soliciting gay sex at an airport. Now he's accused of soliciting gay sex at a train station. Craig denied the charges and said if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for a big night at the bus terminal." --Conan O'Brien

"Idaho Senator Larry Craig is now being called the hole from Idaho." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are calling Senator Craig a hypocrite because he was a very vocal opponent of same-sex marriages. ... But to be fair, he has never come out publicly against anonymous gay bathroom sex." --Jay Leno

"This whole thing has to be very frustrating for the Republican Party. All these gay sex scandals and they still can't get any support from Hollywood." --Jay Leno

"Because of the scandal he had to resign his position on the Mitt Romney campaign. ... So not much chance of getting his mitts on Romney now." --Jay Leno

"Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, a married, very anti-guy conservative Reublican, was arrested by a plainclothes police officer for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport men's room. Today the senator's office said it was all a big misunderstanding. Apparently what happened was when the senator went in to use the restroom, he accidentally grabbed the wrong penis." --Jay Leno

"Larry Craig, the conservative senator and hardcore heterosexual from Idaho, insists that he is not gay. In fact, he's anti-gay marriage and anti-gays in the military. He's anti-gay everything but sex." --Jimmy Kimmel

"There's a very simple explanation for all of this. Larry Craig is gayer than a barrel of Andy Dicks." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The undercover police officer said the senator tried to reach under "the stall to touch him, but the senator said, no, he wasn't trying to touch him, he was only trying to pick up a piece of paper off the floor. Who picks up paper off the floor in the men's room? I don't even like when my shoe laces touch the floor in the men's room." --Jay Leno

"You know who I feel sorry for in this whole thing? The undercover cop. How'd you like to have that job. Sit in an airport bathroom all day, your pants around your ankles with a coffee and a donut waiting for guys to hit on you." --Jay Leno

"Sen. Craig is married. Apparently he told his wife, don't worry about having dinner ready to me. I'm going to wolf down a hot dog at the airport." --Jay Leno

"The Democrats may have control of the House, but the Republicans have control of the bathrooms." --Jay Leno

"Sen. Craig gave a press conference today where he said, I'm not gay, I've never been way. Then he apologized to his wife, Liza Minelli." --Jay Leno

"There's another scandal in Washington. One of the senator's from Idaho, Larry Craig, was arrested in airport men's room. Gives new meaning to the word caucusing.'" --David Letterman

"Sen. Craig said he made a mistake by pleading guilty. And I was thinking, maybe that was your second mistake." --David Letterman

"The way I look at it, anyone who spends more than two minutes in an airport men's room is guilty of something." --David Letterman

My idea of getting lucky in the men's room is when the motion censor works on the faucet" --David Letterman

"Larry Craig has pled guilty to lewd guilty in a men's room. .The senator said I wanted to reach out to all my constituents and their penises." --Conan O'Brien

"All of Boise, Idaho, is a buzz with the story of Larry Craig. ... The police report says he tapped his foot, which means 'I want gay sex.' And, also means I'll never wear my iPod to the bathroom again." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Needless to say, Senator Craig is also anti-gay marriage and gays in the military, which I think, shows he doesn't let his personal needs interfere with his work." --Jimmy Kimmel

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He's always watching

He's always watching