Rude Pundit

Here's another one I missed a couple of weeks ago. It's really hard to absorb everything that is going on out there. Impossible, even. But such is modern life. We have to be very careful with Republicans these days. They have shown that they will do just about anything to win, including lying, cheating, changing the rules and cozying up to dictators, while Democrats continue to try to play by the rules and be honest.

Democrats Win Just About Everything Everywhere All at Once

11/08/2023

In last night's absolute ass-reaming of Republicans, Democrats proved that the best strategy is just to be fucking Democrats. That means supporting abortion rights without any of the bullshit equivocating that gives credence to anti-choice arguments. That means calling out the culture war shit for the plain idiocy that it is. And it means that polls don't vote. 

A few takeaways on very, very good night, addressed directly to the GOP.

Hey, dicks,

1. You have pissed off the women of the United States in ways you can't even imagine. The last year has been a sequel to the Dobbs decision sending abortion rights back to the states. Call it "The Revenge of Roe" because women are in warrior mode over protecting their bodily autonomy. And you withering cocks have painted yourself into a corner with the blood of women who have been hurt and killed by the Supreme Court's monstrous decision. Who celebrated the end of Roe? Whose likely presidential candidate proudly proclaims that that he appointed the justices who made it possible? You kept telling women that actions have consequences when it comes to sex. Now look who's finding out after fucking around. And this won't stop and won't slow down. Democratic women are coming for you.

2. Another way you pissed off women and all parents is telling them that they don't have the right to take care of their kids. See, your child getting taught at school that slavery was bad or that gay people exist isn't impinging on your "rights" as parents. You can teach them whatever lies you want at home. What does fuck with the relationship between parents and kids is when you fucking outlaw medical treatment that  parents want for their kids, whether it's abortion or transgender care. You pass laws saying what kids can and can't talk about and force them to repress their identities and you are shitting all over parents. That's done. It failed. It failed big time. 

3. And Gen Z is coming after you motherfuckers. I love that we finally have a generation that has no reason to believe the moronic myth of the "good" Republican. They grew up with racist attacks on Barack Obama and then watched Donald Trump turn the joint into a plague-ridden hate camp, and they saw Republicans at every level merrily go along with it. They are woke, and your mocking of their wokeness makes you into everything they fucking despise. They have queer friends, they have trans friends, they have friends of different faiths. They watched the George Floyd video and marched in Black Lives Matter protests and then watched as you lied and said they were violent rioters. And then you banned the fucking books they like and are continuing to destroy the climate, which dicks them over for their futures. Goddamn, you are fucked with this generation. 

You can change. Moderate on abortion. Give up the culture wars. Do shit that shows you understand that science is real. 

But you're motherfuckers, so you'll likely just try to figure out how to suppress the vote. 

Okay, I'm done talking to the conservabitches. Lemme end here with a few awesome races beyond abortion rights in Ohio and the Virginia legislature. 

1. In Virginia, pre-election, on the long list of things that matter to voters, transgender issues placed dead last. That's not because they want trans people to not have rights. It's because no one fucking cares if people want to do something that harms no one. And then openly trans Danica Roem, already in the state assembly, became the first trans person to win a seat on the state Senate, beating a conservative ex-cop supported by giant loser Gov. Glenn Youngkin. That ex-cop campaigned on banning trans athletes from high school sports. And that wasn't enough to push voters away from Roem.

2. All over the country, school board candidates backed by the savage hatemongers Moms for Liberty lost bigly. The Moms want your kids ignorant, crazy Christian, pregnant with no choice, and hiding their true identities while not allowing them to read any books that have kissing in them. They are just the fucking worst and deserve all the scorn that can be heaped on them like piles of manure. But, man, they lost so bad everywhere. In Iowa, they supported 13 candidates. Only one won. In one district, they just had to get in the top four vote-getters to get a seat. There were 8 candidates, 4 supported by Moms for Liberty. They all fucking lost. So they can fuck off all the way back to whatever crusty old bible they crawled out from under.

3. And in New York, Yusef Salaam, one of the Central Park Five who was imprisoned for a horrendous crime he did not commit, on whom Donald Trump once took out a full-page ad calling for his execution, who was exonerated 2002 after 13 years in confinement, won a seat on the New York City Council. Yeah, that's right. Soon, Salaam will be an elected official and Donald Trump might die behind bars. That's karma in a perfect form.

It's okay to feel good today, Democrats. It's okay to ignore those shit polls for Joe Biden (which, c'mon, a year out, who the fuck cares?). It's okay to celebrate that we might just have a future.

Original, and here is a link to the 11/19/23 column by Rude.

This Week in Stupid

Jeff Tiedrich has picked up his foul-mouthed game even further and now publishes a weekly "This Week in Stupid," reviewing the myriad of stupid shit that these GOP regressive semi-traitors pull each week. Don't know how long Jeff can keep up this pace. If Trump gets re-elected in some stupid and unimaginable way, Jeff would be high on the ShitList. 

Jeff's latest edition is here, and there is a sample below.

this week in stupid: November 18 edition

JEFF TIEDRICH

NOV 18, 2023

sunday: keep on fucking that chicken, Ronna

hey, remember a couple of weeks ago, when Republicans ran on a platform of forced birth and got totally fucking slaughtered at the ballot box? that was pretty fun, right?

it really does take a special kind of stupid to be on the wrong end of that electoral drubbing and conclude that we need to be forcing birth harder.

Republicans were all over the Sunday shows this past week, talking about how they can absolutely win by shouting even louder about how much they want to take away women’s rights.

 

here’s Ronna McDaniel on Meet the Press: 

“I’m proud to be a pro-life party. we can win on this message. the American people are where we are, and they want common sense limitations, they want more access to adoption, we want to make sure that there are pregnancy crisis centers. these are things we can win on. but we have to talk about it, and you can’t hide in a corner and think that abortion’s not going to be an issue.”

a personal plea to every Republican who refuses to stop fucking this particular chicken: yes, keep right on at it. never stop. 

enjoy getting reamed at the polls next year.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

tuesday: your tax dollars at work

we have a lot of problems in our country. climate collapse. pandemic. creeping authoritarianism. Elon Fucking Musk.

but you know what isn’t a problem? the salary of the Assistant for Mine Safety and Health Administration.

yet, our Republican House of Representatives is wasting everyone’s time on vote after vote to reduce the salaries of various Biden Administration staffers to $1.

you know who’s the instigator of this, don’t you? good old Congresswoman Sporkfoot (Marjorie Taylor Green).

why is she doing this? because fuck you, that’s why. in your face, Brandon. that’ll teach you … something.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

friday: another masterful gambit, sir

imagine you’ve driven half the major advertisers off your failing app by being a raging antisemite. what do you do for an encore?

if you’re the SmArTeSt GeNiUs iN tHe GaLaXy, I guess you drive away the other half by calling them “the greatest oppressors of your right to free speech.” 

excellent work, Space Nazi.

+++++++++++++++

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.

Original.

Elie Mystal

Elie Mystal was awarded FFRF's Clarence Darrow Award at this years FFRF convention in Madison, WI. His talk is 54 minutes (including an Intro) and pretty compelling. Said a few things about Supreme Court Justice Neal Gorsuch that I had not heard and are pretty alarming.

Kate Cohen

Kate Cohen recently wrote an essay for the Washington Post titled "America doesn't need more God. It needs more atheists." It's fantastic and you should read it. You just might be an atheist. If you prefer, you can listen to Kate read the essay herself at the same link.

In October of this year, Kate received the Freethought Heroine Award from the FFRF, the Freedom From Religion Foundation, who held their annual convention in Madison, Wisconsin. She gave a talk accepting the award, and you can watch it here.

Kate also has a new book out called "We of Little Faith: Why I Stopped Pretending to Believe (And Maybe You Should Too." Her diagnosis of the whole God issue is sharp and her Rx is simply tell the truth.  Love it. Thank you, Kate!!

Mike Johnson

Can anyone tell me how a quadrice-indicted twice-impeached popular-vote-losing adderall-huffing insurrection-leading judge-threatening lawyer-ignoring witness-tampering disabled-veteran-dishonoring inheritance-squandering language-mangling serial-sexual-predating draft-dodging casino-bankrupting butler-bullying daughter-perving hush-money-paying real-estate-scamming bone-spur-faking ketchup-hurling justice-obstructing classified-war-plan-thieving golf-cheating weather-map-defacing horse-paste-promoting paper-towel-flinging tax-evading evidence-destroying charity-defrauding money-laundering bogus-university-running diaper-filling 91-count fluorescent tangerine fuckface down in Florida is leading Biden in any polls? 

what in the actual fuck? how does Mike Johnson not have a bank account

there's a lot about Holy Mike that just doesn't add up

JEFF TIEDRICH

NOV 5, 2023

dweebish little factotum Holy Mike Johnson became House Speaker because he was standing in the right place — the corner of What About This Guy Street and Fine, Let’s Just Get It The Fuck Over With Avenue — at the right time.

nobody knew dick about the guy, except that he was some kind of god-mad religious fanatic.

but now the facts are starting to leak out and and holy shit, there’s a lot going on that makes no fucking sense at all.

first of all, how the fuck does Mike Johnson not have a bank account?

The Daily Beast reports that in financial disclosures dating back to 2016, the year he joined Congress, Johnson never reported having a savings or checking account in his name, his spouse’s name, or in the name of any of his children. In his latest filing, which covers last year, he doesn’t list a single asset either. Which, given that he made more than $200,000 last year—in addition to his wife’s salary—is more than a little odd.

 

think about that. Mike gets paid. what does he do with the check? does he go to a check-cashing place in one of DC’s skeevier neighborhoods?

seriously? a United States Representative? I don’t think so. how is Johnson paying his mortgage, in cash? please.

Holy Mike isn’t talking, so reporters are left to speculate.

Of course, it’s unlikely Johnson doesn’t actually have a bank account. What’s more likely is Johnson lives paycheck to paycheck—so much so that he doesn’t have enough money in his bank account to trigger the checking account disclosure rules for members of Congress.

House Ethics Committee filing guidelines state that members must disclose bank accounts they have at every financial institution, as long as the account holds at least $1,000 and the combined value of all accounts—including those belonging to their spouse and dependent children—exceeds $5,000.

 

except that explanation makes no sense, either.

It’s certainly not uncommon for Americans to have less than $5,000 in their bank account. Most Americans—57 percent—couldn’t handle an unexpected $1,000 expense, according to a report earlier this year. And the median amount that Americans keep in their bank account is $5,300. But Johnson’s household income puts him in the top 12 percent of earners in the United States. And it’s extraordinarily rare for members of Congress to not list a qualifying bank account—let alone zero assets whatsoever.

 

let’s do some basic math. the base salary of a US Rep is $174,000 a year, and reps get paid once a month. 

twelve times a year, Mike get a check for roughly $14,500, minus taxes — let’s say that his take-home pay is $8,000/month. again, what does he do with that check? if he puts it in the bank, his balance instantly exceeds the disclosure minimum.

so why isn’t Mike disclosing a bank account? where is the money going?

“It’s strange to see Speaker Johnson disclose no assets,” Libowitz told The Daily Beast. “He made over $200,000 last year, and his wife took home salary from two employers as well, so why isn’t there a bank account or any form of savings listed?”

what the fuck is going on here?

now let’s talk about Mike Johnson’s famous black son. here’s the story in a nutshell:

By the time he was 27 years old, Mike Johnson had not only tied the knot with his bride Kelly—a particularly tight knot called a “covenant marriage.”

He had also become a new Dad to a 14-year-old Black “son.”

How did that happen, you ask?

It was quite simple, actually.

He just “took custody."

What???

That's how they do things in Louisiana, I guess.

 

just like the bank story, holy shit, none of this makes sense.

27-year-old Mike adopted a 14-year-old boy, but he didn’t really adopt-adopt him, he “took custody.”

which, legally, is not a thing.

ok fine, let’s go with Mike’s story, he quote-unquote adopted this teenager, took him in, raised him, and … then what?

No African-American son shows up in any of the family photographs on Johnson’s House website or on his personal Facebook page. Nor does Michael figure anywhere in any of Johnson’s campaign biographies.

 

As I went further down this rabbit hole tonight I was a bit dumbfounded. Is Michael made up? Is he excluded from family pictures?

 

check out the Johnson family portrait. I don’t see a black son. do you see a black son?

just about the only time Holy Mike mentions is his “black son” is when he needs to use him as a Get Out Of Racism Free card.

A bit more poking around revealed that Michael also came up a year earlier in a House hearing on reparations in June 2019. Johnson opposed reparations and noted that his black son Michael did too.

 

so what the in the actual fuck is the real story here?

now if the Johnsons were sponsoring Michael through some kind of religious or charitable organization, that’s actually very admirable, and more power to them — but that’s in no way equivalent to an ‘adoption.’

there is not one speck of evidence that the Johnsons actually raised this now-40-year-old person.

so, again, what the fuck? 

there’s so much about Mike’s life that he doesn’t want us to know.

Then I learned that Johnson’s wife runs a Christian “counseling” service that equates homosexuality with bestiality and pedophilia, and that she has been busy scrubbing traces of this and of her podcast with her husband from the internet. And I thought, “Good luck with that.”

 

Oh wow, then there’s the fact that Johnson was named dean of a law school that never opened, whose namesake Judge Paul Pressler was (surprise, surprise) sued over sexual abuse by multiple men, and whose president was credibly accused of misappropriating funds. Huh.

 

sorry Mike, but all this was going to come out sooner than later.

are you really sure that putting yourself under the harsh glare of the House Speakership was the right move for a guy as sketchy as you seem to be?

---

but that’s how it always goes with these flim flam fucksticks, they never quit while they’re ahead.

look at George Santos. he could have continued to fleece old ladies and swindle homeless veterans from here to breakfast. he could have kept changing his name and moving from state to state and country to country and chances were good that the authorities would have never caught up with him. but he had to run for one of the most highly-visible jobs in the world — US Representative — and now he’s facing 23 criminal counts and looking at serious prison time.

and what about that quadrice-indicted twice-impeached popular-vote-losing adderall-huffing insurrection-leading judge-threatening lawyer-ignoring witness-tampering disabled-veteran-dishonoring inheritance-squandering language-mangling serial-sexual-predating draft-dodging casino-bankrupting butler-bullying daughter-perving hush-money-paying real-estate-scamming bone-spur-faking ketchup-hurling justice-obstructing classified-war-plan-thieving golf-cheating weather-map-defacing horse-paste-promoting paper-towel-flinging tax-evading evidence-destroying charity-defrauding money-laundering bogus-university-running diaper-filling 91-count fluorescent tangerine fuckface down in Florida — if he’d only been content to keep on laundering Russian mob money and keep bribing the right prosecutors, right now he’d be happily cheating at golf without a care in the world.

but Little Donny Fuckface had to put himself under the world’s largest spotlight by running for president — all while continuing to crime up a storm — now, like Santos, he’s facing umpteen criminal counts and the real possibility of prison.

as a result, he’s spending his Sunday shitting his diaper in a panic over what the daughter he wants to quote-unquote “date” is going to be saying about him this week at the Big Trump Family Fraud Fuckery Trial.

original.