18 Quick Takes on 34 Convictions
1. I was at a pub in London when I saw the news that rapist Donald Trump was convicted of 34 felony counts of falsifying business records. A few beers in and sitting with a couple of other Americans, we let out a cheer and an exhale of relief. If I hadn't already been drunk, I'd've gotten drunk because fuck, yeah.
2. No, this isn't the end of anything. But it's a good damn start. I've long said that Trump being found guilty in one case would signal to other juries that he's not untouchable, that he doesn't get away with everything. Let this start a cascade of consequences.
3. Again, lots of shit can happen before Trump spends a day in prison (including Judge Merchan not sentencing Trump to prison), but, at this point, the system works. A judicial system that seemed incapable of holding Trump to account for crimes actually worked.
4. If regular people can easily understand the complexities of this case and find him guilty, imagine how easy it's gonna be if, say, the Georgia case or the documents case ever go to trial. That shit's simple. If this was Ulysses, the documents case is the fucking Cat in the Hat.
5. Give some motherfuckin' respect to Stormy Daniels. She's been put through hell by Trump's goons and his idiot hordes of MAGA fucknuts. She's gonna have to endure that bullshit for the rest of her life. But she sat on that stand and told Trump and his attorney to go fuck themselves. And the jury obviously took a porn star's word over a former president's about whether or not they fucked. Or, more accurately, whether or not Trump fucked her badly.
6. Speaking of Daniels, did Trump have so little juice with NBC that he couldn't have gotten her on The Celebrity Apprentice? Fuckin' Victoria Gotti was a contestant. Daniels wouldn't have been a big swing. Either he was too stupid to realize that he could avoid a whole lot of trouble by casting her or NBC thought he was a little bitch and ignored him.
7. Michael Cohen is a skeevy son of a bitch and a prick and a half, but he isn't dumb. He wasn't going to lie on the stand again. If anyone involved was a character out of a tragedy, someone worthy of a bit of pity, it was Cohen, who must be relishing this moment with the glee that can only come when you know you're responsible for destroying the person who destroyed you.
8. I'm honestly afraid for Judge Merchan, his family (especially his daughter), Alvin Bragg, the jurors, and the witnesses because it just takes a couple of Trump's delusional mongrels to get murdery. That's how goddamned low Trump has brought this country.
9. Lemme address the MAGA freaks: have some self-respect, you fucking losers. Go support any of a hundred other Republican dickheads who are as racist and stupid as you are but aren't convicted felons and rapists. Walk the fuck away already.
10. I know you won't because you're such self-hating fucking dumbasses, but I thought I'd suggest it.
11. Seriously, how fucking sorry-ass do you need to be to sit there and think that every single juror, members of the law enforcement, judges, and officials are all in a massive conspiracy, that everything is "rigged," rather than just fucking accepting that the cockscab is a criminal and you've been suckered?
12. Of course, it's also entirely possible they love criminal cockscabs and, well, nothing to be done about that.
13. Yes, let's rub their stupid faces in it. They would have done the same if the verdict had gone differently.
14. As for elected Republicans, don't fucking talk to us about how you're tough on crime when you're going to nominate a convicted felon for president. You're filthy liars and raging hypocrites. Fuck all the way off. And don't fucking talk about how he can appeal. If Joe Biden had been found guilty of speeding, you'd have wanted to impeach him, you craven bitches who are begging for a chance to be Trump's diaper.
15. However...you have a chance here to ditch him. But you won't because you fear the aforementioned fucknuts.
16. Don't get me started on Trump's attorneys. Try to get paid from that cheap, vengeful twatmite.
17. It's pretty stupid that Trump will likely not be able to vote in the 2024 election but he can run for and be elected president. That's a big damn hole in the law that needs to be fixed.
18. God, Trump's gonna be a whiny motherfucker for the rest of his life. His imprisonment would give us all a chance to breathe again and recalibrate our sense of the nation and ourselves.
I'll have more to say after I'm done celebrating this moment while we can celebrate. Now and forever, Donald Trump is the first president convicted of felonies. Let's get drunk, get high, dance madly, orgasm with abandon, and howl at the skies like wild, strong beasts. Enjoy it while we can. We may get to keep this party going, but if it ends, let's have this.
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