oil prices

What did you expect, America? Putting this egomaniacal, narcissistic liar and thief back in the White House? To paraphrase one of my earlier posts, with Trump, nothing good can happen. It can only bad happen. I hope you have some money saved up. You're going to need it.

OIL PRICES: THE GREATEST FUCKING CON JOB IN FINANCIAL HISTORY

Every headline this week says oil hit $108 a barrel. They say it's like a doctor telling you your cholesterol is a bit high. Might want to cut back on the cheese, mate.

Except $108 isn't the real price. It's the cheapest number they could find on the board and they're waving it around like everything's fine.

It's like your house is on fire and the real estate agent is telling buyers about the lovely water pressure.

Brent and WTI are the European and American oil benchmarks. They trade in London and New York. Very civilised. Very much not where the actual crisis is happening.

The crisis is in Asia. Where the oil actually goes.

Dubai crude hit $153.25 a barrel this week. That's not a record for the year. That's the highest price ever recorded for crude oil on any benchmark in the history of the petroleum industry. Higher than 2008. The year the global economy ate itself.

Oman crude hit $152.58. Also a record.

And here's a stat that tells you exactly how broken the market is.

Every oil benchmark has two prices. The futures price is what traders in suits agree to pay for oil on paper next month. That's your headline number. The spot price is what it actually costs to get real physical oil onto a real physical ship right now today. In a normal market those two prices sit right on top of each other. In February the gap on Dubai crude was 90 cents. A rounding error.

That gap is now $56 a barrel.

Think of it like concert tickets. The face value says $100. That's your Brent price. The number on the news. But the venue is on fire, half the shows have been cancelled, and the only way in is through a scalper who wants $250. That extra $150 tells you far more about reality than the number printed on the ticket.

90 cents to $56 in three weeks means the physical oil market is in full blown panic. The headline price hasn't caught up because traders in London are still pricing off old stockpiles. Oil that left the Gulf weeks ago and is already safe in Western storage.

Asia doesn't have that luxury. Asia is buying oil from a war zone. And the price has gone vertical.

JPMorgan, not exactly doomsday preppers in tinfoil hats, called the calm in Brent and WTI "an illusion." They said once Western stockpiles burn through, Brent snaps up $50 to meet the Middle Eastern benchmarks. That puts $108 at $160. Minimum. Citi is forecasting $130 Brent as an average. Add the Asian premium and you're at $190.

One missile away from $200 oil.

And guess what just happened.

Israel hit Iran's South Pars gas field. World's largest natural gas reserve. On fire. Iran retaliated within hours. Ballistic missile through Qatar's air defences. Hit Ras Laffan. World's largest LNG facility. 20% of global supply. Also on fire.

Iran then published a fucking shopping list of what's next. Saudi refineries. UAE gas fields. Qatari petrochemical plants. Named them. Told them to evacuate. Then started launching. Saudi Arabia shot down four missiles over Riyadh. The UAE is engaging incoming fire right now. ExxonMobil, Aramco, ADNOC, all evacuating staff.

Now here's the bit the spin doctors really don't want you thinking about.

Everyone's focused on the Strait of Hormuz. Fair enough. It's basically shut. Only 90 ships through in three weeks. That used to be a few days of traffic.

But a shipping lane is a shipping lane. Sign a ceasefire. Send in minesweepers. Within weeks you've got tankers moving.

You know what you can't fix in weeks? A refinery with a ballistic missile hole in it.

These facilities took a decade to plan and five years to build. Cryogenic systems. Compression units. Heat exchangers the size of apartment buildings. A missile goes through one and you're looking at 12 to 18 months minimum. Structural fire damage? Years. Plural.

So pretty soon it won't matter if the Strait reopens because there won't be any fucking refineries left to refine the oil. And even if there were, there aren't enough plumbers on planet Earth to put them back together again.

You can reopen a door. You can't reopen a building that's been turned into a crater.

And who do we have to thank for this masterpiece of strategic genius?

A 79 year old man who dodged the draft five times, went bankrupt running casinos, and thinks windmills cause cancer.

This bloke looked at Iran, a country that spent 45 years building an asymmetric warfare doctrine specifically designed to turn the Persian Gulf into an uninsurable hellscape the moment anyone touched them, and thought yeah nah, we'll just bomb them. They'll probably throw roses.

They didn't throw roses. They did exactly what every defence analyst and every bloke at the pub with a basic grasp of geography said they'd do. They hit the oil. Everyone's oil.

Iran has the world by the balls. Not America. Not Israel. Iran.

And this isn't some desperate improvisation. This is 45 years of meticulous, obsessive planning being executed exactly as designed. The missiles. The drones. The fast attack boats. The mine warfare. The proxy networks. Every piece placed over four decades for one single purpose: making any attack on Iran so catastrophically expensive that no rational actor would ever attempt it.

They didn't just plan for this day. They fantasised about it. They war gamed it. They built their entire military identity around it. The Strait of Hormuz is their nuclear option without the nuclear. And they've had 45 years to figure out exactly how to shut it down and keep it shut.

Then some spray tanned game show host gave them the excuse to pull the trigger.

Iran doesn't need to win. They just need to keep squeezing. Every day the war continues, oil goes up. Every refinery that burns, the recovery timeline extends by years. Every missile that lands, another insurer pulls coverage, another shipping company refuses to sail, another refinery cuts production because it can't source crude.

They are squeezing Donald Trump's nuts like they have never been squeezed before. And the beautiful, horrible irony is that every bomb America drops makes the squeeze tighter. You hit their gas field? They hit Qatar's. You take out their leadership? They publish a target list and start ticking boxes. You send another carrier group? Insurance premiums go up and the tankers sit in port.

Every punch drives the price higher. Iran has known this for 45 years. This is the moment they've been waiting for. And Donald Trump walked right into it like a drunk stumbling into a cage fight thinking it was a buffet.

There is no military solution. You cannot aircraft carrier your way out of $200 oil. You cannot drone strike the laws of supply and demand.

Trump needs to pick up his bat and ball and get the fuck off the Arabian oil fields. No conditions. No victory lap. Just stop. Because every day this continues another refinery burns and another $10 gets added to the price of everything you buy, eat, drive, and heat your home with.

If he doesn't, he exits the presidency as the man who tanked the global economy and handed Iran the greatest strategic victory in its modern history. He will leave office like a flaming ball of African dung beetle shit rolling downhill, getting bigger and more catastrophic with every rotation, and history will remember him not as a strongman but as the single dumbest strategic decision maker to ever hold the launch codes.

They're showing you $108 because $153 would cause a panic. And honestly? A panic might be exactly what's needed. Because the only thing stopping this lunatic from turning a regional war into a global depression is American voters looking at the price on the bowser and finally saying enough.

$200 oil doesn't care about your politics. Doesn't care who you voted for. Doesn't care about red hats or freedom or any of that culture war horseshit. It hits every man, woman, and child on the planet right in the hip pocket. The truckie. The single mum. The pensioner. Everyone.

Right now the only thing standing between the global economy and total meltdown is whether a 79 year old man with the emotional regulation of a toddler in a Kmart can swallow his pride long enough to stop a war he should never have started.

Destination fucked doesn't begin to cover it.

~Gman