Never pass up a chance to sit down or relieve yourself. -old Apache saying

Friday, August 17, 2012

Paul Ryan jokes

Paul Ryan is a bit of a joke.  If there was a God, Obama would win the election.  But...there is no God, so.....hmmm...

"Republicans like Paul Ryan because they say he's a fiscal conservative, and that's a perfect balance for Romney who's a guy that has an elevator for his Cadillacs." –David Letterman

"Speaking of Paul Ryan, a new poll actually found that 42 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney's running mate, which isn't too bad considering most Americans don't approve of Paul Ryan's running mate." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney has picked Paul Ryan as his running mate. Experts say Ryan can add something vital to this campaign that Mitt Romney lacks: a personality." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney kept his selection of Ryan as his VP nominee secret for more than a week. You know how he was able to keep it secret? He had it hidden next to his tax returns." –Jay Leno

"Paul Ryan is full of excitement, he's drawing big crowds. The only thing holding Paul Ryan back now according to political experts is Mitt Romney." –David Letterman

"Have you seen these guys, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan? They look like father and son dentists." –David Letterman

"Paul Ryan likes to hunt and we all know that a vice president who hunts is always a good choice." –David Letterman

"Tell me one area where Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin would disagree? I cannot find one area. So somehow he's the smartest guy in the party and she's the stupidest woman on earth, but they agree on everything." -Bill Maher

"We are all still trying to measure the impact of Romney choosing Paul Ryan for Vice President. Does it make Romney look more exciting? Does it make Ryan look old enough to drink?" -Stephen Colbert

"Mitt Romney is hoping to energize conservatives with his choice of Paul Ryan as running mate. That’s like trying to spice up a bowl of oatmeal with more oatmeal." –Jimmy Fallon

"During the announcement, Mitt Romney said that he and Paul Ryan are 'America's Comeback Team.' You know, as in come back in four years and try again." –Jimmy Fallon

"How many of you have the Paul Ryan fever? They say that Paul Ryan will humanize Romney. And I thought, hell, an amoeba could humanize Romney." –David Letterman

"I like the looks of this Paul Ryan, the representative from Wisconsin. He reminds me of who your sister would date in college. He looks like one of those guys who pretends to be a doctor on an infomercial. He reminds me of the guy at Olive Garden who comes over to see how everything was." –David Letterman

"In college Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. So he and Romney have something in common. Both have the experience of driving a car with a dog on the roof." –David Letterman

"On Sunday, Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan as his running mate. Forty-three percent of Americans have never heard of Ryan and the others thought he was the private that Tom Hanks brought home from Normandy." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Romney and Ryan kind of look like a father and son in an ad for Super Cuts." –Jimmy Kimmel

"And then there's Congressman Paul Ryan. On the plus side, he has piercing blue bedroom eyes. On the minus side, he's a heartless smirking bastard, and the only people who can stand him are heartless smirking bastards. And Mitt, you already have that vote locked up." –Bill Maher 

"Paul Ryan introduced a budget plan that would overhaul Medicare and make deep cuts to other social and healthcare programs because he believes the American people have said loud and clear: 'stop using my tax dollars to take care of me.'" -Seth Meyers


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He's always watching

He's always watching