Harper's Weekly - 7/24/07

psst! the links are active!

Executive power was transferred to Vice President Dick Cheney for two hours and five minutes while President George W. Bush underwent a routine colonoscopy. Spokesman Scott Stanzel announced that five small polyps had been removed, but “none appeared worrisome,” and the president was soon able to ride his bike.1 2

Prior to the procedure, Bush issued an order requiring the CIA to stop torturing its prisoners and to comply with the Geneva Conventions as the president interprets them, and also made clear that he would, by invoking executive privilege, refuse to allow the Justice Department to pursue any contempt charges that Congress might bring against his aides. “The next step,” said Representative Henry A. Waxman (D., Calif.), “would be just disbanding the Justice Department.”3 4 5

India's parliament elected Pratibha Patil as the country's first female president,6 and it was announced that the United States would have a woman as president on the next season of “24.”7

The Pentagon accused Senator Hillary Clinton of reinforcing “enemy propaganda” when she asked whether the Bush Administration had an exit plan for the Iraq war,8 and, despite an all-night debate, Democratic senators failed to invoke cloture and bring to vote a measure requiring the majority of U.S. troops to be withdrawn from Iraq. 9

In Baghdad two people died and 15 were wounded in the celebration following the Iraqi soccer team's 2–0 victory over Vietnam;. 10

the former King of Afghanistan died in Kabul.11

A steam pipe exploded near Grand Central Station and rained debris on midtown Manhattan,1 and tangled clumps of worms fell from the sky in Jennings, Louisiana.2

Former congressman Tom DeLay gave a speech about abortion to a gathering of college Republicans in Washington, D.C. “If we had those 40 million children that were killed over the last 30 years,” said DeLay, “we wouldn't need the illegal immigrants to fill the jobs that they are doing today.”3

Police recovered a seven-week-old boy from the middle of a road in Ohio, where his naked mother had placed him in order to appease Satan,4 and a newborn was found in a trashcan at a Denny's in Anaheim, California; a 17-year-old girl with blood dripping down her legs was discovered nearby, having just shared a meal with her family.5

IHOP, which serves more than 700 million pancakes each year, announced that it would buy Applebee's for $1.9 billion,6 7 and a new biofuel-recycling and -filling station capable of processing 5,000 gallons of cooking grease per day was about to open in Blair, Wisconsin. “America's obesity problem,” said a co-owner, “is our lifeblood.”8

Authorities estimated that 20 tons of meat are smuggled into Oslo, Norway, each week.9

In China, where flooding has killed hundreds of people this summer, the rampant Yangtze River had caused Dongting Lake to overflow, leading two billion rats to flee to the Hunan countryside, where there are few predators to reduce their numbers, as the snakes have been eaten by southerners and the owls have been used for medicine. Besieged farmers were poisoning the rats, beating them with hammers, and sending them, live, by truckload to restaurants in Guangzhou, where diners pay 136 yuan for a kilogram of ratmeat.10 11 12

A Beijing journalist was detained for fabricating a story about street vendors stuffing their dumplings with cardboard.13

Japan was gradually rearming itself. “Bombing,” said Col. Tatsuya Arima, “does not always mean offensive weapons.”1

The final book of the Harry Potter series, in which Hedwig dies, was released in the United States and sold 8.3 million copies within 24 hours,2 3 4 and in Britain a six-year-old boy hanged himself with a skipping rope.5

A man with a needle sticking out of his arm crashed his car into a Cincinnati, Ohio, drug treatment center,6 Nicole Richie let it be known that she dates only circumcised men,7 and Oprah Winfrey's dog died when it choked on a ball. 8

Recently filed court documents described how Henry T. Nicholas III, the billionaire founder of Broadcom, built a $30 million underground sex bunker in Laguna Hills, California, and stocked it with prostitutes flown in by private jet,9 and it was reported that during intercourse the owners of private submarines are sometimes troubled by peeking dolphins.10

A French geologist stated that a newly discovered underground lake in Darfur, which was expected to help bring peace to the water-starved region, likely dried up at least 5,000 years ago,11 and near Kakadu National Park in Australia, Jeffrey Lee, the last surviving Djok, was refusing to allow an estimated $5 billion in uranium to be mined from the Koongarra deposit, a “djang” or spiritual place where there lives a giant blue-tongued lizard that must never be disturbed, and where the rainbow serpent has entered the land. “I can go fishing and hunting,” said Lee. “That's all that matters to me.”12

http://harpers.org/archive/2007/07/WeeklyReview2007-07-24

Crazy world, eh?