Never pass up a chance to sit down or relieve yourself.
-old Apache saying
Friday, March 6, 2015
flying spaghetti monster
Those ancient "Ten Commandments" are wierd and irrelevant to modern life, not to mention waaay out of date. After comparing the two documents, I much prefer the Flying Spaghetti Monster's version. See if you agree.
The FSM’s commandments for the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition
1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Act like a sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou ass when describing my Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Use my existence as a means to Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, and/or, you know, be Mean To Others. I don’t require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Judge People for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk. Just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this in your thick heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Indulge in Conduct That Offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is Go F*** Yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
5. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Challenge the bigoted, misogynist, hateful ideas of others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, then go after the B*******’s ideas.
6. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Build multimillion-dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines to my Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent on (take your pick):
a. Ending Poverty
b. Curing Diseases
c. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Go around telling people I Talk To You. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
8. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You, if you are into, um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (Pursuant To #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the Love of Me, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
It's an example of Lucinda Wierenga's sandcastle skills. Next time you come to South Padre Island, think about taking a sandcastle building class from Lucinda. As expected, Spring Break youngsters (most likely) have destroyed several of the sandcastles on the island. But there's more sand.
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own - a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism. It is enough for me to contemplate the mystery of conscious life perpetuating itself through all eternity, to reflect upon the marvelous structure of the universe which we can dimly perceive, and to try humbly to comprehend even an infinitesimal part of the intelligence manifested in nature.
We atheists lead happy lives, never concerned with the-dying-and-burn forever-in-hell nonsense. We know better. We enjoy happiness with our friends and neighbors and ignore all the greed and rituals that pay the parasite priests. Let them wallow in their medieval superstition while we enjoy all the wonders of our God-free universe.
As a scientist, I can not help feeling that all religions are on a tottering foundation. None is perfect or inspired. The idea that a good God would send people to a burning hell is utterly damnable to me. I don't want to have anything to do with such a God. I am in infidel today.
Send a text message from a computer to a mobile phone
As of 2018, we have switched our mobile phone carrier from Verizon to T-Mobile. Hello, unlimited data! And less expensive to boot! To send a text from a computer to a mobile phone on T-Mobile, use the following format.