Day 4 - All-Star Smooth Jazz Cruise - Jan 31, 2007

Somehow we fell asleep from the rough seas heading into Jamaica. When we awoke, the skies were clear again, it was really warm, and we could see Jamaica in the distance. The boat was going to dock at Montego Bay, and here, we get to pull right up to a deepwater pier, so getting off the boat was as easy as ... getting off the boat. The wife and I had already been to Jamaica a few times, so we had decided ahead of time to stay onboard through Jamaica. Montego Bay is not, after all, the "prettiest" spot on Jamaica, by any means. Some of the excursions were eight hours in length. I don't think so...

We docked right at 8am, on schedule, and people spilled off the boat. From our balcony, we could see them getting accosted by street merchants and beggars. Some things never change.

We had decided to order Room Service for this morning, so we'd put out the menu the night before, and sure enough, right on time, they arrived with our breakfast. The breakfast menu is somewhat limited, but that's ok. As long as I get some cereal, I'm cool. Some of the milk was frozen, but it didn't take long to thaw. Hey, I'm not a complainer.

The first couple of days on board, we didn't see hide nor hair of our cabin steward. Everyone we'd talked to who'd ever been on a cruise would rave about how the cabin stewards would wait on your every need, always there. Well, our steward was nowhere to be found on Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday. We were beginning to wonder if we even had one. Today, he finally appeared. Vladimir was his name (picture at left) from Latvia. I really don't think there was one single employee of the boat that was American. No matter. They were all very friendly, and would curse us under their breaths after we were gone. Or so I was told.

The thing about the stewards is that, like it or not, you are going to pay $11/day for your steward, per person. They state in their literature up front that that will be the charge. They don't give you an option to NOT pay it. You can of course tip them even MORE if you want. Our steward was keeping well out of sight. Even though we had not seen him until today, the room was always made up, there were always clean towerls, there was always ice in the ice bucket, the bed was turned down at night, and someone was making those silly towel animals at night. We just never saw anybody. It was a little odd, but ok with me. Where are the cameras, though?

So, after docking at Jamaica, we practically had the boat to ourselves. There were no crowds at all at the pools. It was great. The sun was shining, it was warm and breezy on the top deck, music playing around the pool. Lots of waiters. Now THIS was vacation. My idea of vacation is no one around. So, what are we doing on this boat?! How fucked up is that?

We stayed on the top deck most of the afternoon, reading and getting in and out of the pools and hot tubs. Nice.

One aspect of cruising is that you're never in any port for very long. We'd arrived in Jamaica at 8am, and were to set sail at 5:30pm. And you'd better be on the boat. We heard more than one tale of people being left behind in port, with all their luggage and belongings on board. Catch a plane, pal. See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!

We had two more ports to stop in on this cruise - Grand Cayman and Cozumel. Conquest offers quite a number of excursions in each port, but we didn't want to overdo it. This is vacation, not high-speed sightseeing. We're not into extreme vacationing. Staying on the boat at Jamaica was great. Very calm. No rocking waves. After talking to people at the Excursion Desk and watching a few reruns of the Cruise Directors talk on port excursions, we decided we'd just go shopping at Grand Cayman.

We had wanted to go snorkeling at Cayman but learned that not one of the outfitters offered prescription snorkel masks. Both of us wear glasses, not contact lenses. Snorkel masks and glasses don't mix too well. If you could invent a snorkel mask that would allow a snorkeler to wear their glasses while snorkeling, you would be rich, pal. Unless they steal your invention. So, no Rx masks? We decided not to snorkel. The only place we've found Rx masks for rent is on Hawaii. The good ol U.S. of A. And I own one, which I foolishly left at home.

They offered several trips to "Stingray City" at Cayman. You take a boat from the cruise boat to a smaller boat, which takes you out to a huge sandbar off Cayman, where, in waist-deep water, you feed and play with stingrays. Oooo-k. You hold fish bait in your hand, and they swim over and suck it out of your hand. Oooo-k. Of course, according to our British Cruise Director, these are not the same kind of stingrays that killed Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Those rays were wild. These Cayman rays were tame and enjoyed being fed by humans. It seemed a little wierd, but all the later trips were full. Only the really early trips were left, and we're not that inclined to get up really early while on vacation.

They also offer a trip to Hell, a town on Grand Cayman. Not many of the excursions on the Caymans offered a lunch, however, and since most trips crossed over the "lunch hour," well, that ain't gonna do. Nah, let's just go shopping at Cayman. Most of the trips that offered a lunch were at Cozumel, we were told. So we decided to shoot our wad and book the coolest-looking excursion on Cozumel, a trip to Isla de Pasion, a private island just off the north coast of Cozumel. We would dock at the deepwater pier, walk to a bus, then drive for 30 minutes to a boat for a 10-minute ride to Passion Island. Lunch included. Open bar. Three hours of do-it-yourself fun on a gorgeous beach. Bingo. We signed up. But that would be Friday. And shopping in Cayman on Thursday, but we were still in Jamaica.

The concerts tonight were Paul Taylor (5:30pm) and Norman Brown (6:30pm). We got to the Toulouse Lounge early enough to get a good seat and Paul was pretty awesome. He's probably one of the best-known sax players that no one has heard of. Played with the Rippingtons for years under the radar when Jeff Kashiwa left. Norman Brown came out halfway thru Paul's set, as usual. Even though different performance times are published, they all end up playing together, and eventually Brian Culbertson would wander out and play some too. Some good music tonight. When 7:30pm rolled around, our stomachs told us that it was dinner time. Too bad dinner was still an hour away.

After wandering the ship awhile, we gathered around 8:15pm at the Monet for our 8:30pm seating, and before not too long, the "waiting room" outside the dining room was jam-packed, hot and sweaty again. Also in this same area are six elevators and two stairwells. Only, there are so many people waiting on dinner that no one could get off the elevators. It reminded me of a fire hazard. If there had been a serious problem, people would have been stampeded. Hell, if there is a serious problem, I suppose people would be stampeded anywhere.

When the doors opened at 8:30pm, we realized that we were actually waiting on Deck 4, in the upstairs portion of the Monet, rather than downstairs on Deck 3. Still hadn't really figured out the boat, obviously. Dinner was a veritable blur. Sit, order, drink, eat, eat, get out. There are so many waiters and diners, the foot-traffic was very heavy. People rushing by the entire time. Not at all any kind of "intimate dinner," but how intimate can it get with 500 other diners, I suppose.

After dinner, I tried once more to get our long-lost "goodie-bag" from the Smooth Jazz people at their Hospitality Desk. I explained our situation for the fourth time to a person at the table and they said the same thing other people had said every time, "If you come back tomorrow, I'll have it for you." Uh, right. I finally gave up. After all, all it was was a tote bag with a T-shirt and some baubles and beads. Keep yer damn goody bag.

The weather up top was fine and warm so we hung out on the top deck for awhile, dancing under the stars to no music at all. Couldn't really see that many stars, what with the giant balls of light strung from stem to stern on the boat, but what the hell. We knew they were up there.

There's a dance party at midnight in the Toulouse Lounge? Uh .... zzzzzzz ... uh ... zzz ...