Never pass up a chance to sit down or relieve yourself. -old Apache saying

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Jesus thinks you're a jerk

No one has come close to filling the niche or the shoes of Frank Zappa since he passed on. I guess the Frank was diluted a little too much in the young 'uns.

Somehow that reminded me of a classic Frank Zappa tune, "Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk." Even though it was written with Pat Robertson and Jim and Tammy Bakker in mind, it is still, in a way, timely.

So here's all you do...Start up the video, and then follow along with the words below while you listen to the music. 

Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk

Yes, friends . . . Pass the plate around, friends . . . Join us, friends . . . 

There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine 
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin' 
'Cause her sweet little hubby's 
Suckin' prong part time 
(In the name of The Lord) 

Get a clue, little shrew 
Oh yeah, oh yeah 
Jesus thinks you're a jerk 
Would he really choose Tammy to do His Work? Unh-unh 

(Yes, friends . . . ) 

Robertson says that he's The One 
Oh he sure is, if Armageddon 
Is your idea of family fun, 
An' he's got some planned for you! 
(Now, tell me that ain't true) 

Give me that old time religion! 

Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay, 
Will Pat let Jimbo get away? 
Everything we've heard him say 
Indicates that Jim must pay, 
(And it just might hurt a bit) Just a bit! 
But keep that money rollin' in, 
'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo 
Can't get enough of it (let's dance!) 

Perhaps it's their idea 
Of an Affirmative Action Plan 
To give White Trash a 'special break'; 
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran 
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! 
And every night we can hear them thank 
Their Buddy, up above 
For sending down his love 
(While you all smell the glove) 

Henry Cisneros, ladies and gentlemen! 

Jim and Pat should take a pole 
(Right up each saintly glory-hole), 
With tar and feathers too -- 
Just like they'd love to do to you 

('Cause they think you are bad -- 
Yes, they do! 
And they are very mad) 

'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school! 

(We'd need an ark to survive the drool 
Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate, 
And 'Jimbo-Jumbo' when they graduate) 

Convinced they are 'The Chosen Ones' -- 
And all their parents carry guns, 
(Hey, look! Godzilla!) 
And hold them cards in the N.R.A. 
(Ah, hellfire, Melvin, hey hee!) 
(With their fingers on the trigger 
("It's hot.") 
When they kneel and pray) 
("I mean that . . . ") 

With a Ku-Klux muu-muu 
In the back of the truck, 
If you ain't Born Again, 
They wanna mess you up, screamin': 
"No abortion, no-siree!" 
"Life's too precious, can't you see!" 
(What's that hangin' from a neighbor's tree? 
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me -- 
Would THEY do THAT . . . 
They've been doin' it for years! 

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic Eric Buxton 

Imagine if you will, 
A multi-millionaire TV Evangelist, 
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator 

Studied law -- 
But is not qualified to practice it 

Father of a "love child" 
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants 
Of papa's religious propaganda program 

Claims not to be a "Faith Healer," 
But has, in the past, 
Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes 

Involved with funding for an 'undeclared war' in Central America 
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends 

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes', 
(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.) 

Claims to be a MAN OF GOD; 
Currently seeking the United States Presidency, 
Hoping we will all follow him into -- 
The Twilight Zone 

But, hey! What if Pat gets in the White House, 
(No fuckin' way, Ike, 
You know what I mean) 
The rights of 'certain people' disappear 

Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify 
As an American Tragedy? 
(Especially if they cover it up, sayin' 
"Jesus told it to me!") 
(I mean vapor tight, we're like this, okay? 
I mean that) 
I hope we never see that day, 
(I mean that. Right here. It's hot. It's hot.) 
In The Land of The Free -- 
Or someday will we? 
Will we? 

And if you don't know by now, 
The truth of what I'm tellin' you, 
Then, surely I have failed somehow -- 
Surely I have failed somehow 
Surely I have failed somehow 

And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you -- 
If you let those TV Preachers 
Make a monkey out of you! 

I said: 
"Jesus will think you're a jerk" 
And it would be true! 

There's an old rugged cross 
In the land of the Stainless Maiden -- 
It's just burnin' on the lawn 
But this person looks like Tom Braden

Jim and Tammy! 
Oh, baby! 
You gotta go! 
You really got to go! 
Jim and Tammy got to go 

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, this is intermission. Get your butt out there and register to vote! Would you please? See you in a half an hour!

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