And, Boy Howdy, Ain’t We Proud!
July 06, 2012
Contrary to what you’ve read, Texas is not dead last. We are dead first.
No, no, even worse than last. Out of 50 states, Texas comes in 51st in the delivery of health care. Seriously. Washington DeeCee beat us. We have to look up to see last place.
I don’t know about the rest of you guys but I would like to personally thank Rick Perry, Greg Abbott, Karl Rove, and the entire cast of the Texas Republican Party for this amazing honor.
We are also proud to announce that the same friendly folks who gave us last place are also going to turn down billions in federal assistance for Medicaid because they would rather you be sick than they be wrong.
“Our office is reviewing the study, but at first glance it appears to be an extremely broad report that goes well beyond the parameters of the state Medicaid program and doesn’t take into account our diverse population,” Catherine Frazier, press secretary for Gov. Rick Perry, said in a statement.
Frazier said Texas will “continue to fight the federal government for more flexibility to address our health care challenges, which is crucial to effectively improving our health care system.”
So what Catherine is saying is that “Damn, this report covers a whole lot of stuff that we don’t like to think about and I forgot to read the section on blacks and Hispanics because, y’all, this report has a freekin’ lot of words and my lips don’t move that fast. Plus, we are not going to take federal money because we do not want to be like other states. You know, healthy. We’d rather be dead last. Or maybe dead first is what I mean. Tee hee hee. I made a funny.”
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