Everything seemed to be going so well. Too well, we figured.
Surprisingly, not even a collective groan goes up from the cattle, er, passengers.
We set up a private car via Super Shuttle to take us from home to Intercontinental Airport (IAH) and they arrived right on time at 3pm. The driver turns out to be a 23-year retired veteran of the Houston Police Department who was an independent contractor (driver using his own car) and kept talking about weed. He was certainly sympathetic to decriminalization. We covered cocaine, meth and prostitution on the way to the airport. This guy's a Democrat.
He drove like a bat out of hell, almost crashing twice within a mile of our house. We took the HOV up 59 north and made it to the airport by 3:40pm. Dropped us off right at Terminal E, the international terminal. Perfect.
They've changed the check-in procedures, again. You can't pre-print a Boarding Pass for an international flight (anymore?). At the United counter in Terminal E, we got our Boarding Passes and checked one bag apiece. Both bags free, thanks to our using a Mastercard affiliated with United and Chase Bank. Any extra bags cost $100?! What a fucking scam.
My checked bag was massive. I thought it would easily weigh over 50lbs, the cut-off for a "free bag". If the weight is over 50lbs, you have to pay an extra fee. It weighed in at 42lbs. OK, I'm old.
Away the bags go, behind the curtain to be searched (or not) by the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA). Of course I had tucked some "medicine" in three spots in the bag. Online, I read all these warnings about trying to take your "medicine" with you overseas, and most people say "DON'T EVEN TRY IT!!" I think they must be TSA agents, just fucking with people. You have to decide, do I take my medicine with me? Or try to find some where I'm going?
We were quite early for our flight, on purpose, so we caught the lift (oh, still in America, the elevator) up to a Pappasito's Seafood Restaurant on the 2nd level and had some alligator, calimari and a couple of beers. $42USD later and we're all set. Fried foods and beer, and then in a confined space? Fuck it!
Time to board the plane for London! So everyone piles on and stows their carry-ons and settles in. The plane is full. Not an empty seat in sight. They really shouldn't make us Economy cattle walk through the First Class sections. It just makes us hate the people who pay that much and get that huge seat/couch/ bed. Alright, find your seat, stuff your overhead bags and cue the Jeopardy theme music. And it's hot on board.
So, when you are getting on the plane and waiting to take off, they always blow warm air out of the air vents, and we all sweat like dogs. Why can't they pump some cooled air in there while we are waiting to fly? What's that? Too expensive? Costs money to pump refrigerated air? Oh, right, better that we all just sweat. But, for that matter, why EVER pump cooled air? Why not just save that extra little bit more money and make your passengers miserable the ENTIRE flight? What's that? Too expensive to lose customers like that?
Shit, check out the time, we're supposed to fly at 6:20pm, it's now 6:30pm and we're still at the gate with no word from the captain. And sweating like dogs. What the ....
(Captain crackles on the loudspeaker)
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. It appears that we have a maintenance issue with the plane....they are working on it...we'll get back to you when we know more."
Surprisingly, not even a collective groan goes up from the cattle, er, passengers.
6:45pm, still sitting at the gate....this isn't good. Oh, and as if this isn't bad enough, there is a family of 4 just across the aisle from us. Husband, wife, a little girl maybe 4 years old and a little boy under 2 yrs old, and he just, with no warning, lets out repeated squeals, screeches and wails. Don't you just love flying with little children? Can we make that illegal? How about a few "no children under 10" flights now and then? I'd pay a little extra for that! (Apologies to my relatives who fly with little kids).
6:50pm, and the Captain comes back on.
"Uh, ladies and gentlemen, it looks like they won't be able to fix this plane after all, and so since your safety is our number one goal at United Airlines, we are going to have to bring up another plane to get you to London....We happen to have an extra plane in the hangar and so we will unboard you from this plane, bring up the other plane to this gate, and get you on that one."
No apology, no explanation. Some passengers we talked to didn't seem surprised at all. Indeed, they were USED to this kind of thing on United Airlines. An interesting point: this NEVER happened to us all the times we had flown Continental Airlines, before United gobbled them up. Hmm...aren't things supposed to get BETTER after a big merger like that?
What are the odds that there just happens to be another plane in the hangar? That sounds like that would cost some money. But Houston is, after all, a United hub, so if you happen to have any extra planes ANYwhere, this would be one place to keep them. Lucky us.
I'd rather have a good plane than develop trouble over the Atlantic Ocean, so, take your time. Oh shit, but what about our bags? They probably got loaded onto the first plane, and now they had to move them to the second plane....uh oh.
So much for our 6:20pm departure. Oh yeah, we have a car set to meet us at Heathrow in London, so I sent off an email to them. We also had the flat owner in Marylebone set to meet us at the flat when we got there around 11am or so, so I sent an email to her. Now ... at least a 3 hour delay ... great! Off the plane and back to the lobby. Am I the only one complaining?
We watched the departure board at the gate and they posted our new departure for 9pm. A 2 hr, 40 minute delay. When 8pm rolled around, they changed it to 8:15pm and soon called everyone back to the plane. As expected, the same family of 4 with the screaming child is right across the aisle from us, again.
We finally took off at 9pm, pushing our arrival in London back to about 12:15pm. I hoped the people in London got my messages. No good worrying about that now. When 10pm rolled around, they served us "dinner."
The choices were: BBQ chicken or "Beef" Cannaloni. I put the "Beef" in quotes because the flight attendant herself said, "I don't know why they call it that, because there's no beef in it!" We went with the Chicken. Not bad, and they decided to graciously not charge us for alcohol, since we were so late. I'll have the merlot, then. Oh, aren't you just a big, bad, generous airline!
After dinner, we tried to get some sleep in our Economy Plus section. Here's another scam: Economy Plus gives you an extra 5" of legroom, and an extra 2" of seat-back recline, all for only an extra $125/person/trip. What a deal. I never knew that 5" could make that much difference! Ladies?
We "sorta" slept on the plane, occasionally awakened by a screaming child.
End of Day 1. Like they say, it gets better.
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